A note on things

putting yourself out there
for all the world to see
is a scary thing for most
and especially for me
I don't know what to do
about the lack of response.
am i good or not?
i have no clue
could you answer that for me
please?
i'm only curious
it won't take long, i promise.
just a simple read
and comment on
how what i have to say
affects you.
Does it affect you?
or am i just
words on the wind
unknown and unwanted
only curious
but at the end of the day
i can only be
me.

Role Reversal

you think you know everything
you don't
you think you've protected me
you haven't.
you think I'm easy to handle
you have no clue.
I've known more than you
I'm protecting you from the truth
a truth that would break your heart
I'm not easy. I have baggage
that i'd rather lose
but it's mine to carry
if I act like a child, it's cuz I
don't wnat to trudge with
the bags anymore.
I wanna be carefree again.
Don't judge me.

Caution

Safety
relative word
you gave me a phrase
my master
Dom, or whatever you call him.
gave me 'country girl'
as if those two words
could grant me safe harbor
as the full force of
your masculinity pounded
against me.
What do you have to prove?
I'm small
I'm innocent
don't hurt me
"Country Girl!"

Mental

twisted minds
twisted actions
sociopaths
psychopaths
the wold is full of it
full of shit
but the people who
understand that
and run full tilt off societies cliff
to the safety of the
sturdy ground below
are labeled insane.
That's what's wrong.
Delusional minds,
Delusional world.
Have you been suckered in?

Dumpster Diving

I express myself clearly or
at least as clear as I can
it is you, not I
who are misconstruing the meaning
of my words
giving it alternate meanings
perverting it to something
unclean
filthy, disgusting heap of garbage
get your mind out of the gutter!
Nobody really thinks like you
that is not a good thing.
You are a strange perverted man.
You may control my paycheck
but you can't control my spirit!

Helpless

What am I doing here?
I didn't ask for this.
I just want a peaceful, happy life
with Prince Charming
Guess what?
I can't.
Even though I might've found him.
What do I do now?
I have no clue.
I can't do anything.
My hands are bound.
My ankles tied.
There's not much more I can
survive.
Help me...
Please?

Addiction

-Flick. Sizzle. Click.-
-Gasp. Silence. Sigh-
Instantaneous relief.
-Gasp. Silence. Sigh.-
World is narrowing, sorting
itself out. All that matters
is the all important cherry
at the end of the tube.
-Gasp. Silence. Sigh.-
Everything calms.
Perspective regained.
Methodical.
-Gasp. Silence. Sigh.-
time for one more.
Last one. I promise.
-Flick. Sizzle. Click.-
-Gasp. Silence. Sigh.-
Repeat.

Days of War

I wanna make things right
right all the wrongs
fix what needs fixing
but.
but I.
I can't.
I can't do it.
Not by myself
i'm only one girl
I can't do anything
I'm not even able to keep
myself out of Death's reach
for very long anyway.
I should give up
I should surrender.
To pick the fights that I can win.
I can't win this one.
May I give in to the blade?
Please?

Slipping through the cracks

not good enough to stand out,
not bad enough to do the same
i'm just a number, a shape
in the ever-changing
organism, a living shape-changer
that they call the
student population
I'm faceless, nameless
i'm the person sitting next to you
i'm the athlete who sits the bench
i'm the quiet one learning to
speak up
but speaking up doesn't give
a face to the faceless
a name to the nameless
it gives a voice to the mass,
not that it gives the
mass any more distinction
than that
Find me, i'm hiding
unintentionally
i don't want to be hidden
i don't know how to escape
but who cares?
you don't.
or i wouldn't be here.

We are all hiding
unintentionally hiding
within the masses we
lend our voice to
lend, not give
we are slipping, escaping
running, falling
through the cracks
and you will soon see
rules and restrictions of the masses
have nothing on me!

Key

Don't run from me
I won't leave you
encircling you
carefully
holding you gently
fragile, even in my embrace
I am what should be held
most dear.
why am i being taken from you?
you need me to survive
without me, only Death wins
Fragile abused child,
know me not?
i hold you together when
even friends betray you
hold me close.
I'm stronger and more trustworthy than
you think

Collection

half girl
not much a woman
forced into experience
wishing a redo button into existance
half alive
not much more than dead
clinging for life
cheating Death with
wits and half promises
tempting Death with
crisscrossing scarlet lines
sign on the crimson line
of your own make
your grace period is almost up
a tragedy spanning almost 20 years
to be summed up simply as:
Death came, naturally,
to collect on property
long past due.

Mercy

running
red lines dripping
trailing behind me
marking a path none
really want to follow
looking for someone
searching for one who
is brave enough to
find the real me
underneath the lies and lines
failing to find him
what choice do i have?
the blade is double-edged
the balde is deliverance
the blade is death
delieverance through death
the monster i've become
will you let me die now?
or will you prolong my suffering?